Blog Like A Conservative Day

Liberal blogs: Da Bomb. Conservative blogs: Weapons of Mass Delusion.

It's a fact. You can check it here at the incomparable Pandagon, rapidly becoming known as the Lexis-Nexus of Left Blogsylvania, although they face stiff competition from the equally patriotic Rox Populi (thanks for the link love, Rizzizzy-Pop!), Pharyngula, and the up-and-coming Ariadne's Labyrinth. And Raznor weighs in today with disturbing evidence about the conservative's other OTHER white meat. I've done minutes and minutes of research on Google to find out if Raznor's got the goods, and it is completely clear to anyone who isn't an America-hating foamy-lipped wingnut that when conservatives say they want to save babies, they mean in those clever little foil swan doggie bags for the servants' lunch. "Family values"? Yeah, in wingnut-ese, that translates to "price per lb". Only on a liberal blog would you find someone who actually knows any cater-waiters and can therefore testify to the ugly truths of conservative Atkins. Clearly, since we are the voice of the common womon and man, we are the ones who really have our finger on the pulse of America, and we are not afraid to tell it like it is. Denying it only proves that you aren't really interested in the facts, just in your America-hating propaganda.

We in the liberal blogosphere are at the forefront of a greater movement, living in momentous times, as our freedom-ringing, diversity-embracing, progressive-power words pour forth in undeniable veracity, like a new Noah's flood to drown the hate-filled, backwards, deranged rantings of the wingnuts, who have confused their booger-spelunking and dingleberry-farming with actual thought, reason, and analysis. Oh sure, they're passionate, if you can call it that-- but frankly those chimps jumping around and hitting the ground with bones in 2001: A Space Odyssey looked like they were exhibiting passion too, and really it was just fleas. (Conservatives will hate that comparison because they think they are descended from Yahweh's Honey BBQ Baby Back Ribs and because the whole evolution thing just reminds them that they're overdue for their back-waxing. Especially Ann Coulter.)

No, we are the Frodo Bagginses of the world, goodly people made to look small due to the forced perspective of the conservative administration, but in reality we are destined to carry the ring of stolen elections and governmental corruption back to Mordor to destroy in 2006 while our buddies score with hot elf chicks. Um, I mean, we may seem like the little folk, the shire dwellers, but in fact righteousness is on our side, and we are more powerful than the dread armies of the evil wingnut empire. I point you to Pharyngula for proof:

I know that the orcish minions of those conservative villains will flood my comments with odious lies, but I cannot stand by while they continue to propagate their nonsense.

Ergo, ipsa mentis confortum phoebus in res. I mean, duh.

Having thus irrefutably proven that the liberal blogosphere is the source of truth, justice, and the American way, and the wingnuttosphere are in fact U-G-L-Y, that their mamas say they ugly, and that they do not in fact have an alibi for said ugliness, I rest my case.

Yours in patriotism, Ole Dirty Hathor. Peace out.

Edit: Some cowardly snotnosed brownshirts who couldn't be bothered to comment out here in public and play with the big girls are sending me emails daring to challenge my street cred. I will not stand for this kind of childish mean-spirited trolling. Further emails that I am so not making up the existence of that don't agree with everything I have said here will be sent to the spam folder and may cause me to turn off comments permanently here and redirect all wingnut traffic to Fred Phelp's site where they can roll around in the filth all they want. So there. Doodyheads.

Comments

[Deb]

You could post these emails? I'd love to see them. I betcha others would too.

[J]

If there wasn't such a conservative bias in the media, the lid would have been blown off the baby-eating story a long time ago! Instead, bloggers will just have to show how we're going to take over from them by getting the truth out ourselves!

[A Gentleman and a Scowler]

Are you sure that it wasn't "blog like a vestigial head day?"

I think I'd rather score with hot elf chicks.

- A Gentleman

PS You said "doodyheads"! Hee hee.