SNEAK PREVIEW: We've obtained an excerpt from Bill Bennett's new and as-yet-unreleased book, The Goodlye Moral Children's Book of Heroic Moral Values for a Virtuous and Moral Heroic Moral Age: Also, Morals and Virtue. Here, for your reading pleasure, is a snippet from the chapter titled "Noble Sacrifice":
Sometimes choices are hard. It can be very confusing to know what is the right thing to do, especially when it seems like there isn't any choice that isn't bad in some way. Sometimes God makes us pick between sins to test our moral values, and that might seem unfair, but it's probably because you did something bad. The suffering you feel over the choice you have to make is God's way of teaching you not to touch yourself in the devil's place anymore. Or, maybe you are just not a very good person. Either way, sinning when God asks you to doesn't keep your soul from the fires of Hell, but it does make life better for other people.
Here's a little story to explain how that works. There once was a woman who was a queen of the land of Welfare and her name was Shaniqua. Now Shaniqua, who was too lazy to take personal responsibility and work for a living, liked to go from king to king to try to find a rent-controlled kingdom to live in. Soon she had a little welfare prince on the way.
The fetal American within her struggled and kicked just like a little monster! "Let me out, let me out!" he cried. "I have drugs to sell and stores to loot and women to rape and oh, what fun I'll have! Let me out so I can get jiggy with the criminalizin'!"
Whatever was Shaniqua to do? "I cannot let you out!" she cried. "For you bear the mark of Cain, and you will destroy everything you touch!"
"Gimme a 40, bitch!" said the welfare prince inside her belly.
Shaniqua was very sad, for she could see that her lazy whorin' had brought her to a low state indeed. She realized that her baby's soul would be as black as his skin and that he would therefore never be able to choose to be a productive, virtuous member of society. Letting the little thug out of her belly, while it would allow her to get millions of dollars from the government in welfare payments, would make her responsible for the crime rate in America.
Poor Shaniqua knew that her other choice, abortion, was a mortal sin that would condemn her slutty soul to the fires of Hell for all eternity. Surely God would not care that the criminal budding within her would ultimately get sent to the chair anyway, and would show her no lenience for saving the taxpayer's money. But she realized that she deserved whatever she got for being a single woman who had Teh Sex, so she went like a goat to a Satanic sacrifice to the local baby-killers at Planned Parenthood, and even though her baby's future self ghost showed up to torment her with lame rap music, she went through with it. Then she had complications and died in horrible bloody pain and alone whereupon she sat at the right hand of Satan himself, but she did so knowing that she had martyred her soul for all time to a very noble cause indeed. The end.
Here is a little poem about how black people can be good too:
On Being Brought From Africa to America
by Phyllis Wheatley
'TWAS mercy brought me from my Pagan land,
Taught my benighted soul to understand
That there's a God, that there's a Saviour too:
Once I redemption neither sought nor knew.
Some view our sable race with scornful eye,
"Their colour is a diabolic die."
Remember, Christians, Negroes, black as Cain,
May be refin'd, and join th' angelic train.
[Ed. note: The poem is real. The excerpt is PARODY. Just to be clear...]
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