Infidels of Every Denomination

Take that, Punxsutawney Phil!

Wild goat crowned King of Ireland

For three days, Charlie, a grey male goat with brown trimmings, will reign over this year's Puck Fair -- one of Ireland's oldest and best-loved street festivals -- in Killorglin, in the southwestern county of Kerry.

...

One theory is that the event pays tribute to a wild goat that alerted the town to the advancing armies of military leader Oliver Cromwell in the 17th century.

Another is that it stems from the pagan Celtic festival of Lughnasa, when feasting and sacrifices marked the start of the harvest season, and that the goat is a pagan fertility symbol.

"For the people round here it's no exaggeration to say the Puck Fair is almost as important as Christmas," Kearney said.

"It attracts thousands of tourists but it's also a huge homecoming for Kerry people who have moved away. The atmosphere is just magical."

Actually sounds like a good time...I vacationed in that area, just a skip across the water in County Clare. Incredibly beautiful, and the locals couldn't be nicer.

On a lighter note...

Reuters has a story up about a Belgian abbey that's run out of beer. Apparently the beer they brew in order to sustain their abbey, Westvleteren 12, was rated best in the world on RateBeer and promptly sold out.

Monk Mark Bode told De Morgen daily: "Outsiders don't understand why we are not raising production. But for us life in the abbey comes first, not the brewery."

Yeah, but I still have an amusing image of a Friar Tuck lookin' dude in a bare stone-walled room pacing around on a cell phone call to a distributor and going, "You're breaking my balls here, man,  breakin' my balls!"

All Hail Our Noodly Master!

I think it is a fine idea that, if "intelligent" design is going to be taught in our schools, our children should also learn about the Flying Spaghetti Monster theory of creation.

Some find that hard to believe, so it may be helpful to tell you a little more about our beliefs. We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe. None of us, of course, were around to see it, but we have written accounts of it. We have several lengthy volumes explaining all details of His power. Also, you may be surprised to hear that there are over 10 million of us, and growing. We tend to be very secretive, as many people claim our beliefs are not substantiated by observable evidence. What these people don’t understand is that He built the world to make us think the earth is older than it really is. For example, a scientist may perform a carbon-dating process on an artifact. He finds that approximately 75% of the Carbon-14 has decayed by electron emission to Nitrogen-14, and infers that this artifact is approximately 10,000 years old, as the half-life of Carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. But what our scientist does not realize is that every time he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage. We have numerous texts that describe in detail how this can be possible and the reasons why He does this. He is of course invisible and can pass through normal matter with ease.

I’m sure you now realize how important it is that your students are taught this alternate theory. It is absolutely imperative that they realize that observable evidence is at the discretion of a Flying Spaghetti Monster. Furthermore, it is disrespectful to teach our beliefs without wearing His chosen outfit, which of course is full pirate regalia. I cannot stress the importance of this, and unfortunately cannot describe in detail why this must be done as I fear this letter is already becoming too long. The concise explanation is that He becomes angry if we don’t.

I...am simply in awe. I can only bow to such genius.

And in case your brain doesn't hurt enough:

(Do scroll down and read the emails...they are priceless.)

To our lord and savior I can only say: Noodlelujah! And, YARRR!! And now is the time on Infidels when we dress like pirates.

I Might Erect An Altar To This Holiday*

According to Bitch Ph.D., today is a most excellent holiday indeed: Special Cookie Day.

I hereby announce that August 4 is Special Cookie Day, on which everyone is authorized to treat themselves, or others, to cookies. Go forth and enjoy.

Mmm...cookies. *drool* I foresee a baking stint in my very near future. Because the only thing better than cookies is hot-out-of-the-oven-chips-still-melty cookies.

I believe that Nestle was originally the name of an obscure Greek goddess of unbaked cookie dough. Yeah, I know, Special Cookie Day is a secular feast, but I feel that Caffeina is getting a little lonely in her shrine and needs a friend.

* I said "erect"...heeeee...

Just tell me one thing...

...can this really be explained by Intelligent Design?

Separated at Birth?

Is John Bolton an evil twin?

(apologies to the Lorax)

"I am the Bolton, I speak wingnutese"

Hat tip to my honey for drawing the genius connection...

Stephanopoulos vs. Santorum: The Lost Transcript Pages

We here at Infidels were slipped some pages from an anonymous source, purporting to be a segment of transcript from George Stephanopoulos's interview with Rick Santorum on 7/31...a segment that was mysteriously edited out. (The official transcript can be found here at Think Progress.)

Conspiracy? Media bias? You decide:

STEPHANOPOULOS: Senator, I'd like to get back to your comments about the so-called liberal sexual climate of Boston that you claim was responsible for the sexual abuse of children by priests in the Catholic Church. I'd just like to clarify--

SANTORUM: Yes, in the climate we have, what you have to look at is, this climate where it's acceptable, I mean, where you have radical liberal activists imposing their views on the Bible, and what that leads to.

STEPHANOPOULOS: I don't think I follow you. Impose their views on the Bible in what way?

SANTORUM: Well, you have to look at, I mean, look at what they added--

STEPHANOPOULOS: Radical liberals added things to the Bible?

SANTORUM: Absolutely. Things that just have no basis in scripture, I mean, for example, they claim that Jesus said, "Suffer the little children to come onto Me." Look, that's just disgusting. Jesus would never have said that.

BWAAAAAAH!!

Ok, this is apropos of nothing, but far too funny to pass up:

Cincinnati's Crazy For Cornhole

(I swear to you this is a real article, not a parody!)

This needs no comments, just some choice excerpts:

For Erica Lamb and her friend Lisa Price, it's all about the toss.

Kevin Broxterman and Tim Kloepfer always have their bags ready to go.

Shannan Schmitt and Randy Nauman don't consider themselves pros, but they do have their own strategy.

"Just aim and pray," says Schmitt, 31, of East Walnut Hills.

Prayers are optional, but the aim is clear: this group - along with hundreds more on any given day - can't get enough of Cincinnati's favorite home-grown game, cornhole.

...

"We just play it for fun," says Lamb, 30, of Mount Adams. "We don't take it as seriously as other people."

She and Price, 28, of Mount Lookout, say they don't play together often but do have a game strategy.

"Toss high," says Price. "Of course, you play better during drinks."

...

Schmitt and Nauman are journeymen players. Among the teams participating in the annual Give Back Cincinnati Cornhole Tournament last month, these two had the most cornhole-related prizes. They say they've tossed together for the past three years.

...

"We play so much," says Schmitt, a Partners in Education director at the Cincinnati Youth Collaborative, "we should probably start a support group" for cornhole fanatics.

One Cincinnatian is so cornhole-crazy, he's actively campaigning for game uniformity.

...

"It's amazing how it brings families together," says Whetstone.

He knows what he's talking about. His mother-in-law, cousin, uncle and father all chip in to make it a family affair and keep Cincinnati the capital of cornhole.

*snif* *wiping eyes* I do so love good ol' family values...hee...

Via Jesus' General

Peekaboo! Jesus sees you!

Found this via Pandagon, traced back to Majikthise, and had me a good giggle:

Jesus Statue in Hoboken Opens Right (Blue) Eye

My favorite quote from the article:

Anthony Purvis, 11, silently stared at the statue for about 90 seconds and then turned to four of his boisterous friends and said, "If the other one pops open, I'm going to run. I'm out of here."

Hee!

It's not as lurid or Rorschach-esque perhaps as the Virgin Mary Water Stain (count me among the heathens who thought it looked more like a giant vagina, if anything), but still entertaining.

Not, you know, that I would deny the faithful their miraculous phenomena (doot DOO de doo doo) or anything, but I do find a curious parallel here: Ganesh Icons Drink Milk, 9/21/95

Since it's a cached link, in case it doesn't work, basically it's a description of how on that particular day mobs of devout Hindus went crazy with miracle fever because it appeared that their Ganesh statues drank milk that was offered to them out of spoons. Eventually a number of skeptics disproved the "miracle" by demonstrating that a combination of hot weather and the somewhat porous materials from which the statues were made (among other things) caused the milk to seem to disappear.

The really relevant quote from the site, which was echoed in a couple of other places as well:

One 'Indian holy man' (unnamed) reportedly said that it was a trick by the right-wing Hindu political party to try to increase support.

No! Surely not! No right-wing party would ever manufacture or even encourage people to perceive "miracles" as a sort of superstitious propaganda to further their religio-political agenda!

...oh, wait.

At any rate, I'm going to reserve my enthusiasm for Aryan Jesus until the statue, I don't know, eats a fish sandwich or something. And I want chewing and yummy noises, people!

One last note: With the one eye open thing, doesn't Aryan Jesus kind of look like Buddy Christ?

The Entirely Unlike Voodoo Murders of Pennsylvania

Sometimes, just the title of an article tells you what kind of fun ride you're in for...

The Voodoo Murder of Pennsylvania (Part 1, Background)

Pennsylvania isn't particularly well known to be a hotbed of Vodoun activity, and the sensationalistic title called to mind the "ritual murder" scare of the 90's, so I was amused and intrigued enough to read on.